Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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