hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize