..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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