I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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