I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
