He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
