you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize