he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
