I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
