i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
