thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
