He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
this beer tastes like vomit already
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
