just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
