did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
