She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize