how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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