he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
