I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
