I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize