My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's Friday. Sex?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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