Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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