whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
