I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
