So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
