The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
