it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
