as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
