Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
