your thong is hanging out like whoa
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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