hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
