fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My cat gives me a boner
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
