Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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