he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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