he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize