just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
