Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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