god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize