He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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