I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
