Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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