like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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