you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
