remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
