i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
