...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
