At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
