So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
