final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
