So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
