the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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