Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize