Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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