Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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