There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I need to calm my uterus...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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