Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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