we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
its liver damage thursday
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
