I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize