Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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