ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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