I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
