Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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