Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
