My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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