Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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