His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
