Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
