Will you blow on my dice?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
