i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
