I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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