Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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