I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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